As we go along, I want to tell you more and more about my story, but it’s long and complicated so we’ll take it in small doses.
For now, let’s start with the fact that I’ve never been the healthiest person. My mom tells me that even when I was little and a flu bug would sweep through our family, everyone else would get over it in a day or two; I would be down for a week. These kinds of episodes caused me some trouble in high school, but I wouldn’t say I hit “chronic illness” until college. There were whole semesters in college when I was ill with one thing or another, but I would eventually come out of it and be fine for several months.
I didn’t get into an illness pit I couldn’t get out of until the birth of my second son, now almost eleven years ago. The last three years have been better, but I still have long periods where I struggle. The bottom line? Chronic illness has been part of my life in some degree for 20 years. And even though I am still on a journey to find healing, I have also had to learn to accept my various physical states and cope with them.
Lamentations 3:22-23 says:
22 Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish,
for His mercies never end.
23 They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness!
The Lord’s faithful love and His mercies are new every morning.
When I was first experiencing periods of prolonged illness, I would often compound my suffering with grief and worry. As a mom, I was particularly troubled with questions like: “How can we keep on living this way? What if I’m always sick? Can we have a happy family if I don’t get better? What will I do when Brett goes out of town next week?”
I thought I would find peace by figuring out a long-term plan and all the contingencies.
“If I stay sick maybe we can hire someone to help me… now I just have to figure out where the money will come from.” Or, “Now I’ll make a list of all the people who might be able to come over and help me…I can figure out how much they might be able to help in a month and calculate if that will be enough help.” When the futility of these thoughts would blow back on me, I would cry to the Lord, “Tell me how this is going to be ok!! What is your plan?!” And when I couldn’t see the answers, I would fall into despair.
Very slowly, and with a lot of patient help and teaching from the Lord and those around me, I came to realize how Lamentations 3:22-23 applied to my life. The Lord says his mercies are new every morning – not every week or every year. The Lord promises to provide for us one day at a time. Jesus taught his disciples to ask for their daily bread, not a month’s salary.
If you are currently struggling with illness, or something else, you may be in a pit you can’t see your way out of. You may not be able to see how you will make it, or how it’s going to be okay. You may have a thousand unanswerable questions. That’s okay! Because the Lord is going to get you through today. And then He’s going to get you through tomorrow. And then he’s going to get you through the day after that. You don’t have to see the whole picture. You don’t have to know how He’s going to provide. He is faithful, and He will get you through.
The Lord’s faithful love and His mercies are new every morning.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. That’s how I find peace. In knowing that He will give me the strength and help I need today, and His mercies will be new again tomorrow.